Knowledge Navigator

Geek Metaphors and Finding Religion this Holiday Season

Thanks to Darlene Fichter for re-posting the very viral posting If Programming Languages Were Religion (which is based on If Programming Languages Were Cars).  Dabbling in several languages, I know several very serious programmers that are completely monotheistic with this language or that.

This also reminds me of Neal Stephenson’s In the Beginning was the Command Line, where he likens various operating systems to cars (or, more aptly, various forms of land transportation): BeOS = Batmobiles, Linux = Tanks, Windows = Stations Wagons, amd Mac = MGBs (…though, he says, Batman fans might challenge me on classifying the Batmobile as a land vehicle).  In his book, Stephenson sets these four operating systems in dealerships in an automall and hits on the underlying ideologies in the following dialogue:

HACKER WITH BULLHORN: “Save your money! Accept one of our free tanks! It is invulnerable, and can drive across rocks and swamps at ninety miles an hour while getting a hundred miles to the gallon!”

PROSPECTIVE STATION WAGON BUYER: “I know what you say is true…but…er…I don’t know how to maintain a tank!”

BULLHORN: “You don’t know how to maintain a station wagon either!”

BUYER: “But this dealership has mechanics on staff. If something goes wrong with my station wagon, I can take a day off work, bring it here, and pay them to work on it while I sit in the waiting room for hours, listening to elevator music.”

BULLHORN: “But if you accept one of our free tanks, we will send volunteers to your house to fix it for free while you sleep!”

BUYER: “Stay away from my house, you freak!”

BULLHORN: “But…”

BUYER: “Can’t you see that everyone is buying station wagons?”

This also reminds me of a popular College Humor video “If People Were Fonts“…which also reminds me of the fact that only geeks get this style of humour and that we love to pimp our products. Of course, resistance is futile, and, if you can’t keep up with technology and improve your skills, here’s where you may find yourself …Autoexec.bat editing or worse.